I'm such a learner.  In the book, StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath, Learning is one of my top five strengths. So even though I was on sabbatical this summer I can't help but to review and squeeze out the learning.

1. If I can't order out every meal then I can change my relationship to cooking. During the last two weeks I’ve had my husband’s family in from the UK. That equates to lots of lunches and dinners (I abdicated breakfasts). Those of you who know me, know that I don’t really like cooking and I’m not so great at it. I really focused on changing that experience. Realizing that nothing was going to make me a better cook or to love it overnight…I  changed my relationship with it.  I thought of it not as “slaving away in the kitchen while everyone else watches TV/plays video games, etc.” I looked at it as giving joy. Helping to create an experience that would give them each pleasure which in turn would give me pleasure. (selfish – I know!) I started really listening for preferences. J. likes butter on his sandwiches but not cheese. A. loves chex mix for a snack, etc… I started appreciating the “thank you’s”, and the relief on their faces when the food was familiar and they loved it. I still don’t love cooking but I feel content and even a low simmering joy that I could give in this way.  It makes me think – what else could shift just because I change my relationship to it?

2. Am I so used to resistance that when it's easy & joyful I have to shake things up? I read several romance novels over the summer. I haven't read romance in forever - probably 20 years! My mother-in-law visiting from the UK lent me her book, Vagabonds, while we were at the pool. It reminded me of all those Barbara Cartland romance books I read as a teenager. (I used to devour them!  My favorite was The Sheik. J ) After finishing that one - I was inspired to buy a Nora Roberts double novel called Summer Pleasures. One was about writers and the other about photographers…again romance, and two people resisting the urge and passion to fall in love and spend their lives together. I'm wondering if I "learned" that I need “tension” in my marriage because of all those Barbara Carland novels I read as a teenager (in my formative years)  where the indepenedent fiery girl/woman resists loving the powerful, attractive (dark haired) prince/marque/Sheik/Duke.  Hmmm…makes me think. Did that somehow become my “role model”? Even in the series by Nora Roberts both stories were all about resisting loving the other person because they have an important creative career or they can’t give enough, or they aren’t good enough.  Interesting food/words for thought…..It has me curious if that has been a model or vision I’ve held without realizing it. Not that I’m picking fights all the time but I have noticed that when things are going quietly along (ie: going pretty good – ah... JOYFUL) I start to feel antsy or maybe bored or start questioning if everything is really all right?? Thinking about this has been helpful and as it quieted down I'm finding I can be with it and I don't have to make up a story that something is wrong. I'm always learning about the power of joy!

3. You can't press a button and "unwind" - it takes time. When I first go on a vacation or take time off I feel restless. I can feel the energy swirling in my body and the thoughts that accompany the energy are going 100 miles an hour. The unrest and agitation passes. Every time I take time off I find this is the same. The “shoulds” as in: I should be doing “x” (cleaning, answering emails, etc..) eased with time. I realize how unconsciously addicted we get to “going, going, doing, doing” that it is truly hard to stop. Your body is wanting the adrenaline. Your mind plays games with you and has you thinking you need to be doing something. Finally your natural system takes over and you can relax and just enjoy the hummingbirds with a glass of wine, enjoy sitting with someone and offering up conversation when the moment inspires you, and enjoy quiet together as well.

4. Energy management is critcal. I think this is one of the most important pieces of being a business owner.  I saw it up close and in action during my sabbatical. Whether it’s watching the boys' energy (when they are exhausted and I need to get them in bed even if it’s “vacation time”), managing my energy (creating alone time even in a house full of family), giving my husband space to manage his energy and knowing when we have energy for amusement parks and climbing to waterfalls, and when we need a quiet day at the pool just hanging out.

5. Creating a creative space doesn’t happen over night and yet you need to just jump in and take a step.  When we moved into a new house this summer I felt a bit overwhelmed with the kitchen. In my mind I couldn’t quite figure out where to put things in the kitchen. I soon realized that I had to just take a bite-sized step. Put the silverware in a drawer that seemed like the best place. Next, put the glasses in the cabinet closest to the sink. From there I could take the next step and then another….cooking utensils near the stove in a drawer, etc… Now that our family has left I’m pondering my office setup and I notice that I’m feeling stuck with my office much the same as I felt with the kitchen.  I have a desire for it to be inspiring and creative and yet it’s hard to imagine “inspiring” with all the boxes half unpacked all over the place. I think I’m back to “take one step at a time” and “trust that it will come”. Meanwhile I’m putting pictures from magazines, looking at color swatches on the walls, and as I take things out of the box I ask “does this inspire me?” and allow myself to put it in a different spot than before.

6. Physical challenges can help you build trust in yourself. It sounded like a great idea…. We were all going to my sister’s new lake house. The boys would all fish with Dad and Grandpa on the dock and my mum-in-law and I would kayak from the public boat ramp to the house dock. As they dropped us off they kept saying…just keep going right and it’ll take you about 15 minutes.  Well, about 3 hours later we finally made it to the lake house dock!  It’s all about perspective. When you are in a speed boat the public ramp is about 5 minutes from the house dock – when you are in a self-propelled kayak – it’s going to take a LOT longer.  In a speed boat you can see which coves “to the right” go through to bigger water and which ones dead end without having to paddle inside every cove to find out (hence part of the 3 hours). We didn’t freak out because it was taking so long. We knew we could go back to where we started and eventually someone would show up (like my husband who unknown to us was frantically driving around the lake in our SUV trying to sight our bright green boats). We didn’t ever panic. We just kept paddling…one stroke in front of the other (ok, so my mum-in-law had trouble with going in circles quite a bit…also adding to the 3 hour tour time!) Still, one stroke at a time, keep noticing what is around you. We saw lots of beauty. Fish, birds, terrain, interesting bugs floating by, beautiful homes, gorgeous summer sky….Again, I’m learning…trust yourself. Be present and all is well. Take one step/stroke at a time. When you go in circles…conserve energy and let the current do the work and you’ll come back around! And I still can feel the physical sensation in kayaking on the cool calm water.  I felt so grounded and peaceful even while being unsure of where I was at. 

7. The 80/20 rule really does work!  Or in my case 90/10. During my sabbatical I focused on the 10% of work that I felt was really important for NOW just to keep things going over the summer. Following up with potential new clients, new collaborators and partners and current clients. I am excited to say that it really works.  Having just done an introductory launch of the Joyful Business Guide and then gone into summer/moving/six week sabbatical – I was a bit nervous. What was I thinking “launching a product and then taking a sabbatical? The thing was I knew that my plate was overflowing with two boys having baseball practice and Allstar games every day for three weeks, summer camps, family visiting for two weeks, packing up a house and moving in and setting up a new home….I wouldn’t have had time to work on my business much, but I surely would have felt a lot of guilt and beat myself up about not getting to it if I hadn’t gave myself permission to “power down”.  I had a colleague and wonderful friend, Dawn, from Write Well Me, observe my process. She was amazed at how I followed my energy and listened to what needed to happen. She talked to me in May and I didn’t have an inkling about a sabbatical but by early June I knew I needed to give myself a break.  There’s that following the joy energy, listening to your intuition, and trusting that the 10% will be enough at times.

Let me know if any of these resonate with you and what you learned during your "summer slowdown" or vacation!

Laura 

Comments

[Dawn Goldberg]

After reading your post, I had a *few* thoughts. :-)

1. Meals - I love the way you tried to change your thinking around meals and to create a different experience AND it's okay if you don't cook. There have been times in my life where I've felt that maybe I'm not a true woman because I don't like to cook, clean, iron, or wash laundry. I've finally accepted that I just don't like those things. :-)

2. That was an interesting insight you had from reading romance books. How much of what we bring into our lives are due to what we've read and seen in our lives? Just think - now you can rewrite your own romance!

3. My husband and I always say that there's a period of feeling uncomfortable when we have time off or a day with nothing scheduled/planned. We have to get through the uncomfortableness to get to the real stuff. On another note, I met someone a few weeks ago who said when her family vacations, they always go for two weeks instead of the typical one. According to her, it takes one week to really relax. In a typical vacation, you'd just get to relax, and then it would be time to go home. I like the two-week vacation idea!

4. Energy management - I want to take a sabbatical for this very reason!

7. You really are amazing, Laura! You're a model for really listening to one's authentic self. Thank you!